The Jeremy Hunt Stakes
And the latest horse to join the race is Jeremy Hunt. He joins the three other Jeremy Hunts you’ve never heard of, and the Jeremy Hunt you have.
And now they’ve been joined by six more Jeremy Hunts, some of whom are arguably less of a Jeremy Hunt than the others, but some are definitely more of a Jeremy Hunt than even Jeremy Hunt.
And three of the Jeremy Hunts have fallen before even reaching the first fence. The one who not even the Jeremy Hunts you’ve never heard of have ever heard of, he’s gone. We have eight Jeremy Hunts left in the race, with Jeremy Hunt bringing up the rear.
And at the first we’ve lost two. One of the Jeremy Hunts has gone, and the other…yes, that’s Jeremy Hunt! Jeremy Hunt has fallen! We’re left with just six Jeremy Hunts. But there goes another at the second! It’s another of the Jeremy Hunts you’ve never heard of.
And now we’re into the televised stages. Two of the Jeremy Hunts are starting to open up a lead, but there’s another Jeremy Hunt coming up close behind them, she’s making ground.
The other two Jeremy Hunts are struggling, and one has gone! And another! Just three Jeremy Hunts left in the race. The one who’s trying to be less of a Jeremy Hunt than the others seems to be making ground…but no, she’s gone too!
And it’s welcome to viewers just joining us on BBC1 for these final stages. You join us with two Jeremy Hunts left in the running, neither of which is Jeremy Hunt.
For those new to this, you may be trying to work out which of the Jeremy Hunts is less of a Jeremy Hunt than the other, but there’s not much in it at this stage, and only a small number of other Jeremy Hunts can influence the outcome now, and they’ll quite likely go with the one who is the biggest Jeremy Hunt.
I’ll remind you again, Jeremy Hunt is no longer in the race.
And it’s a close run to the finish line, but one of the Jeremy Hunts is fading, and yes, the winner, the winner is…a right Jeremy Hunt!
Joe Williams is a writer and performing poet from Leeds. His latest book is The Taking Part, a short collection of poems on the theme of sport and games, published by Maytree Press. His other work includes the pamphlet This is Virus, a sequence of erasure poems made from Boris Johnson’s letter to the UK during the Covid-19 pandemic, and the verse novella An Otley Run, which was shortlisted in the Best Novella category at the 2019 Saboteur Awards. Despite all of that, he is probably most widely read thanks to his contributions to Viz. joewilliams.co.uk