Recipe for a Pandemic
1. First ensure your cupboards are full.
It doesn’t matter if you have never eaten
jackfruit before. You will definitely need it.
At some point
2. In the case that you suddenly
become violently ill, you will need
the entire supply of toilet roll
from your nearest supermarket.
3. If this isn’t enough, try the supermarket
in the next town. Even though this is not
a symptom of the pandemic
4. When the Government tells you
it is time to self-isolate. Do not listen.
Go for a pint in the local with your mates.
You’re young, healthy, it won’t affect you.
Don’t worry about your eighty-year-old gran
who now only takes parcels
through her front window.
She’ll be fine.
5. Repeat steps 1 and 2 until you have
to sit on the toilet roll because your sofa
is somewhere under all the pasta
you’ve been hoarding, dive into the giant
spaghetti sofa if you’re feeling dangerous
6. Now pop down to the corner shop and see
if they have any more toilet roll. Shout
at the man behind the till when there’s none left
it is clearly his fault.
Bethan Manley is 21, and is studying English Language and Creative Writing at the University of Gloucestershire. She likes poetry because it is an avenue of expressing yourself without limitations and this is her first publication. Originally a singer/songwriter, Bethan made the change to poetry in 2018 a way of exploring her Welsh heritage and mental health.