Postcards from Malthusia DAY FOUR: A.M. Havinden

Lesson Plan

 

Now we learn the algebra of fear.

Triangulate risk, count breaths on an abacus.

We have enough for six weeks, and the timetable

 

in chalk is ragged. I have never seen

such doubt loosen the mouths of people.

Old friends bloom in my head,

 

a photograph album left out in the rain.

the day has brought us here. Buckets

brimming with water, rain still peppering them.

 

Calling a register is a kind of music.

Are you here?

I am here. You are here. Eye contact is an art.

 

We have made a timetable, but the hours

spill and stretch and talk breaks out

between times tables and I hadn’t known

 

how I’d crave the salt

freedom of everyday life, or how I can’t

provide everything, or even safety

 

for my children, as I teach them, here, how

to plant a dried pea, who knew

how little they know, the world is too big

 

to show them, how to test the soil

for warmth, pull the weeds by their very deepest roots,

allow for distraction, and for a collapse

 

now and again, quietly over open books.

Call the register. Count the breaths.

I am learning the meaning of presence.

 

 

 

A.M. Havinden is a writer and artist. She lives in Argyll, with her family. A recipient of a Scottish Book Trust Ignite Fellowship, she is working on a collection titled The Water Cure. www.anoushkahavinden.com

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