DAY ONE HUNDRED – W.N. Herbert and Andy Jackson

100 REASONS (TO BE CHEERFUL)

after Ian Dury

Why don’t you get out there and vote?
Why don’t you get out there and vote?
Why don’t you get out there and vote?
Why don’t you get out there and vote?
Why don’t you get out there and vote?

Aneurin and the Bevans, Bernard and the Levins, Blake and his Seven, and Brian Clough.
Black Narcissus, Sids James and Vicious, being with the missus, and Peter Brough.
Julian and Sandy, a cappucino grande, The Beano and the Dandy, and the minimum wage.
Shepperton and Ealing, Assam and Darjeeling, Living On The Ceiling, and Standard Gauge.

The books of Molly Parkin, the Troubadour of Barking, Philip Arthur Larkin, and Clarks’s Pies.
The songs of Stephen Patrick, being on a hat-trick, not feeling geriatric, and the Turner Prize.
The Instantness of Karma, being in me ‘jamas, the specs of Harry Palmer, and Cabbage Whites.
Sucking on a lolly, carrying a brolly, The Reverend I. M. Jolly, and Human Rights.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

Robin, Maurice, Barry, Curly, Moe & Larry, I’m just wild about Debbie Harry.
The boots of Dr Marten, enough hair for a parting, the football season starting.
You’re my chuchie-wuchie, I’m your hoochie-coochie, Armando Ianucci.
The Aldermaston marches, a comeback of Sinatra’s, Underneath The Arches.

A Thribbian obituary, the Devil and his Dictionary, not taking things too literally.
A Razzle in my pocket, Just sign here on the docket, I wouldn’t want to knock it.
The voice of Richard Hawley, Silvio and Paulie, Thomas Babington Macaulay.
If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, let’s hear it for the poets.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

An iron constitution, regular ablutions, wealth redistribution.
Ernest playing Marty, come and join the party, Shami Chakrabarti.
Profanity with Lenny, having one too many, Clement and LeFrenais.
A box of French Fancies, You’re naughty, mocking Francis! Land of a Thousand Dances.

Justice for the Gurkhas, justice for the workers, the bloggers and the lurkers.
A grassy Kiwi Sauvignon, it taking one to knowing one, Marvin, what is going on?
Patsy singing Crazy, a pizza Calabrese, you are entering Royston Vasey.
The Open University, triumph from adversity, occasional perversity.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

Watching the god Loki do the hokey-cokey after breakfast at Visocchi’s.
Barbecuing a dorada, a sun-roof on a Lada, stained glass at the Posada.
A parking maid called Rita, a pickle made by Gita, a jumbo shitting on Blue Peter.
Andy Murray in the tennis, a slippering for Dennis, a pint or four at Mennie’s.

Feeling kind of nifty, though Gideon looks shifty, cruising on past fifty.
A daub by Leonora of some fauna and some flora flash-mobbing Bora Bora.
A solo by Wayne Shorter, the dancing of the daughter, a swim in Cretan water.
The Topper and The Beezer, a party called Syriza, some vodka in the freezer.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

A maiden speech by Mhairi, the beluga, or Sea Canary, Saint Julian of Clary.
Richard Ayoade, Williams Hickok, Hicks and Cody, amo et non odi.
The looking glass of Carroll, fish hooking guns from barrels, a retiring Colin Farrell.
Mark Smith at The Cluny, Willy Wonka’s three course chewnie, how life’s gone all cartoony.

A B-side by The Randoms, a tree that’s dark with damsons, Pere Ubu and the Handsomes.
An overture by Zappa, a necropolis in Lappa, leaving the crapper feeling dapper.
A plateful of païdakia, Vic & Bob, but wackier, more trochees to the trachea.
Some sunlight on the features, some care for fellow creatures, some backing off from teachers.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

The Clangers’ and their whistles, removing all the missiles, David Shrigley! Partick Thistle!
Some pots thrown by Picasso, Montalbano and that Fazio, a very nice ripasso.
That speech from Terminator, another chat with Pater by post-mortem communicator.
Better wi-fi access, less theory, more praxis, more paying of the taxes.

A life lived without gimmicks, or wasted in a hammock, the works of Charlie Simic.
Making monsters up with Moreau, my neighbour called Totoro, a library book to borrow.
A brandy or mojito, a cork on the mosquito, Brando as Don Vito.
More blessings, fewer curses, more opening of purses, just pay the bloody nurses.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

The voice of Captain Beefheart, DVDs of Lee Van Cleef’s art, a Camembert or Brie fart.
A purple tongue of iris, language as a virus, no Tartarus to tire us.
No heaven up above us, no Jesuses to love us, no poshos come to shove us.
No probs with contradictions, no hierarchies in fiction, no prats in TV kitchens.

The stony face of Keaton, the villainous Will Wheaton, all ghosties with white sheets on.
Gaudi’s triple steeple, a well they filled with treacle, a few surviving Beatles.
Tallulah and her Bugsy, Michael Caine and Suggsy, some box-set that I must see.
Is Grishkin still pneumatic, Bill Murray still aquatic, is there still acid in my attic?

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

Gin’s motherlode of ruin, a psychopathic bruin, a canto from Don Juan.
An unreserved apology, some Caledonian Forestry, the dream of humane policies.
The harmonium of Cutler, I can believe it’s butter, just being slightly subtler.
The spikiness of Milligan, the bakeyness of silicon, just knowing I will kill again.

The skin regime of Lemmy, Shetland ponies in a semi, saving Nemo with a jemmy.
Frida and Agnetha, never felt better, no emails but a letter.
The sound of Düsseldorf, Jerkin’ Back And Forth, Our Friends In The North.
A little Brucie Bonus, a leader with cojones, a new deal for the homeless.

Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one hundred
Reasons to be cheerful – one zero zero

Hopes turn to fears at five more years. We’ll rue them all, and how.
In which…
Case…

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